


Can you keep my secret?

by Gottahavefaith



Category: Yaoi - Fandom, animation - Fandom, phone destroyer - Fandom, southpark - Fandom
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Anxiety Attacks, Anxiety Disorder, Bromance to Romance, F/F, F/M, Fantasy, M/M, Multi, Other, References to Depression, Slow Romance, Teen Angst, Teen Crush, Teen Pregnancy, Teen Romance, Teenagers, Yaoi, southpark
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-15
Updated: 2020-05-15
Packaged: 2021-03-02 21:22:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,502
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24203587
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gottahavefaith/pseuds/Gottahavefaith
Summary: SouthPark has always been a weird suburban town in the stupidly cold mountains of Colorado; There, nothing ever makes sense nor was ever expected too.So, it wasn't shocking an anxious blonde came to be the talk of the town. What was weird, however, was when the talk didn't die down; adding to the perpetual fear and dread of one torn up Tweek.Southpark was a place impossible things occur on a daily basis and where secrets seem to have a bad habit of being found. How long will it take for the blonde's secret to leak and pool around the feet of every residence of Southpark?How long will it take for Tweek's world to come crashing down at the feet of a certain Tucker?
Relationships: Clyde Donovan/Bebe Stevens, Craig Tucker/Tweek Tweak, Kenny McCormick/Leopold "Butters" Stotch, Kenny McCormick/Tweek Tweak, Kyle Broflovski/Eric Cartman, Kyle Broflovski/Stan Marsh, Randy Marsh/Sharon Marsh, Red/Bebe Stevens, Token Black/Clyde Donovan, Token Black/Nichole Daniels
Comments: 1
Kudos: 9





	Can you keep my secret?

**Author's Note:**

> Beware! I'm dyslexic and have tried to edit this the best I can but alas It will never be perfect so please be patient! Love you all cuties. Stay safe.  
> See the end for more notes! ;)

  


“Tweek! pumpkin, make sure that you remember to take your _blue_ notebook this time! Not the green one!”. Mrs. Tweak’s sweet feminine voice chirped from the top of the dark wooden staircase found at the back of the living room, slightly billowing on the emphasized word.

“I know, it’s already in my bag, ACK - _Jesus christ!_ Mum, I’m turning 18 in two weeks! I can look after myself”. Tweek’s shaky voice called back. He may love his mother but her constant pestering is almost scalding in too high a dose.

“I know Tweek, I know and I’m so proud of the young man you’ve become...”. Her voice is soft as she pitter-patters down the stairs to where her son is to gently place her hand on her son’s pale sunken in cheek; holding on to it like she was about to lose him forever. “But I can’t help but worry on days like today, you know you have bigger things to worry about than the colour of your notebook”.

Tweek scoffed and rolled his eyes a little.”The whole point of today is to stop me worrying, you know”. Tweek’s annoyed scowl immediately softens as he takes in his mother's lovingly concern - however, pestered as he might feel, he can’t fight the urge to press against his mum’s hand in reassurance. After a moment, he slowly brings his own beaten up hand to her and takes it in his.

“You know it’s been years since I got over those - ngh - first-day nerves. I’ll be fine like always. If any, I’ll be - _ngh_ \- a little bored. These sessions are my safe place mom! I have a general tendency to feel safe in my safe place!”. The boy choked out, slowly feeling his heart rate speed up to the point he knew was unconscious.

“Relax honey, relax. I promise you are going to be okay. No one is going to come and invade your space. No one will know other than me and you and whoever you choose to tell”. Tweek lets out a tortured sigh. Without her son even mentioning that was what he was obsessing over Mrs. Tweak knew her son’s rambling brain better than Tweek sometimes.

“Okay mum. Your - ngh - right. I better be off though. I’ll keep him waiting."

And with that, he swings his ratty gray bag over his right shoulder mentally checking off its contents, always anxious he is forgetting something even with his mother’s reminding nags. _Blue_ notebook, check. Spare pens and stationary, Check. Docter’s notes and prescriptions, Check. After going through his little ritual he lets out a hazy sigh and wishes a reassuring farewell to his mum with a kiss on the cheek before heading out the door.

The sound of his dirty brown sneakers partly reverberates off the half-frosted concrete as Tweek begrudgingly trudges towards the edge of town. As always, his mind is moving at a faster pace than his actual scrawny legs as they sway back and forth along the freshly gritted path. 

It was dark, but heck, it was only 8:00 pm. But, even in the early spring meaning the sun was already half-sunken into the sky; it sprawled reds and purples all over the horizon like some horrific murder scene the blonde can’t help but assume is some sought of bad omen that could only be for him even as the boy shook his head side to side to shake off his delusion. 

“Sweet -ngh- Jesus I knew this was a mistake… _oh god_! This is it! This is a sign finally telling me my time is up” The blonde’s thoughts tunneled through his brain like a parasitic worm.

“No! No it’s, ACK! It’s okay. I’m going to be okay” Tweek’s chokes out loud to himself. After all this time even now Tweek’s mind seems to get the better of him. He starts to talk himself through the breathing exercises that his therapist, a sweet middle-aged woman called Dr.Bell, had advised him to do so many times before. In through the nose and hold for 7 beats then out for 8; even after all these years the boy still can’t seem to run through the practices without messing up and sputtering all over himself. 

He must have been walking for a good fifteen minutes completely engulfed by his little meltdown to really notice the darkening world around him.

He is so lost in her train of thought he completely blacks out the environment around him until he is interrupted by the quiet attack of swears erupting from another familiar faced nervous boy. Pulled out of his destructive loop Tweek barely stops walking in time to narrowly avoid a headlong collision with him.

“Oh Shi- ngh - I’m sorry dude! I was away with the freaking gnomes!” Tweek started to mutter apologetically only to have Thomas raise his hands in acceptance.

“Woah, calm down Tweek. It’s not like you - _F*CK -SH*T -CUN_ \- actually hurt me or anything” Thomas shrugs his broad shoulders nonchalantly like he didn’t have a worry in the world holding him down. But the blonde knew that wasn’t the case at all. Far from it in reality.

When both the boys were younger they had been very similar in several ways; both twitchy and obnoxious in their outbursts. They even looked similar back then; scrawny, tired, and too pale from the stress or lack of sleep, now Tweek looks back at it as a mix of both. But, in present-day, they were quite literally polar opposites. Thomas had matured and grew into his height with broad muscular shoulders and a warm smile that sat perfectly on his round welcoming face, his toffee dark blonde hair styled in a neat gelled back hairstyle which made the boy look way older than he truly was. 

Tweek was still the gaunt and pale kid he used to be back in fourth grade. Although he was fairly tall compared to most of the class men his age this just made him look even weaker in his slightly underweight frame, especially when standing next to Thomas. Tweek’s shoulders were smaller and rounded, his cheekbones high and his jaw sharp. His mother would always say he looked more like a pixie before Tweek got offended and stormed off to go make some more coffee.

Before Tweek’s observant eyes got to the creep level stare he interrupted himself with a small conversation starter familiar on his lips from their usual meetups.

“So w-what do you think we will be talking about this week?” 

Thomas seemed to hold his response on his tongue before replying, almost as if recalling every topic they have covered in the past to memory and deducing a reasonable answer. Tweek did always think of the boy as overly-rational. Smiling to himself, thinking that’s why they balance each other out so well.

“Well, If I’m honest, I’ve heard we are gonna have a new member joining us, so I can only assume we will be going through some memory - _mother of_ \- recall and negative thought awareness… again” Thomas’ voice was rough, almost as if coated with tar from the cancer sticks he sometimes offers Tweek - the ones he usually accepts - in the short breaks of their fortnightly meetings.

Without realizing they had started slowly walking towards the local community hut in the town center of his hometown until Tweek had tripped up on his own sneakers and almost went flying with a handful of snow in his mouth only for Thomas to steady him with one arm, He stubbornly looked up and caught his eye.

“A n-new kid?”

Thomas nodded patiently 

Tweek nervously thought about who it could be; none of his “friends” from this town knew about his so-called mental health struggles, nor would he want to share them, it would be freaking mortifying. But, it isn’t like a massive secret since the boy regularly interrupts classes and assemblies with petrified shrieks about how aliens or his own teacher (maybe another alien for all Tweek knows) is out to kill him. Pushing the feeling of dread from his bony stomach he shrugs it off and takes a deep breath in and then finally partaking in the conversation again deciding he isn’t going to be able to get rid of the sinking feeling.

“W-wow, we don’t get many new members since this is such a small town, go figure though, everyone is just too freaking macho to talk about real emotion. Still, considering how fucked up Southpark is I can understand. You - ngh - know dude, your so lucky you don’t live here!” Tweek rambled on rubbing his skinny arms over his thin green sweatshirt in need of warmth only for Thomas to tip his head back and give a throaty chuckle back.

“A town full of people like you? I don’t know Tweek, sounds like a place - _CO*K SUCKER_ \- where I would fit in so much better”

Tweek’s eyebrows furrowed and his mouth twisted into a scowl. “Hey! I - _ACK_ \- never said I was fuck*d up! Douchebag!” But, it was only met with another low chuckle.

“My apologies Tweek, but you know I’m joking. As if I could ever think of you any other way then I already do. Anyway, I think we're here” Thomas gave a playful punch to Tweek’s arm; however playful it was Tweek was too light to receive it and was knocked off his balance a little while Thomas cracked another joke about how dainty he was.

And with that, they both looked up to see the rusted yellow doors that have become so familiar over the last few years of their attendance. Tweek’s eyes do a habitual scan of his surroundings as Thomas walks calmly towards the door, just like he always does. His eyes focusing on the old billboard with the weekly events pinned on; It read,

“Today: Mental health awareness and CALMs - 8.25 pm till 10.00 pm”

It may not be as good as his regular expensive and time-consuming therapy sessions with Diana in the closest big city outside Southpark, but it did help to know you're never alone. Especially when you already feel like the only one to see the world as you do, to see how messed up everything truly is.

Next, his eyes quickly travel to the old beat-up building itself; another obnoxious shade of yellowy-green that reminded tweek so much of cat sick he actually started to feel pretty nauseous himself. All the windows were dirty and coated with condensation which promised warmth inside that had Tweek’s frozen fingers itching.

He much preferred the smaller building in Southpark to the ones where Thomas lives however dingy; which is why he travels to sh*tty little Southpark and not the other way around. The big buildings feel like a death trap to the blonde, sucking him up and consuming him before he has the chance to run to safety. Who was he kidding? He’d probably just trip up on his own clumsy feet and get dragged straight back in.

The doors creak open with a nasty snarl that makes Tweek jump as he hurriedly follows Thomas inside.

The first thing Tweek noticed was the wave of warm air that engulfed him placing a trail of goosebumps up and down his bony spine. He always feels better after walking through those ancient doors even if his heart was beating like a small explosive bomb buried behind his ribs. Some twitchy bright-line lights are scattered all over the poorly plastered vanilla ceiling illuminating the twelve or so figures all huddled together collecting black fold-up chairs and little plastic cups of orange juice. Their chairs scratching against the birch wood floor. Wordlessly, the two boys follow suit, picking up some chairs from the other side of the hall and carefully dragging them to the makeshift circle in the middle of the large room. Tweek’s arms flailed about as they struggled to pull the dusty old chair apart enough to hear it clicked in position.

“This stupid - _ACK!_ \- chair never freaking - _ngh_ \- works!” Tweek’s shrieking doesn’t even attract any ounce of attention from the regulars. After all these years they are used to all the individual outbursts from the misfits which come from all over Southpark with the exception of Thomas and few others. Tweek suddenly becomes too frustrated and slams the half-open chair to the side and jumps down onto the floor with his legs crossed; more than content to forget about his losing battle with the chair and sit on the floor. Thomas must have looked over at some point and noticed the odd blonde perched on the floor with a miscellaneous chair thrown behind him. 

Rolling his eyes he stalks over and opens the chair in one smooth movement. 

“My oh my Tweek, will I always have to - _F*ck_ \- be your knight in leather armor?” Thomas dolls out while helping a shaking Tweek off the ground to his fairly unstable feet to which the other gives a quick thank you followed by some muttered choice words about something about Thomas being a kinky b*stard and obsessed with leather.

A bellowing voice pulls them from their squabble.

“Hello everyone! And welcome to this week’s session mkay… I’m so happy to see so many familiar faces mkay; I want you all to know you are all in a safe and loving place and you can trust -”

Tweek starts to drift off from Counselor Mackey’s familiar nasal drone of an introduction he has heard over a hundred times before over the last couple of years. Instead, he instead carefully scans over the poorly decorated room once more deeming it more interesting then Mackey’s speech he already committed to memory. He settles on trying to suss out the new member Thomas had talked about earlier - unable to settle his curiosity. But to his disappointment, no one stood out to be new, everyone was in their usual seats next to their usual partners. So Tweek takes in the rest of the room; lingering on the old bulletin board kept inside, freezing upon an old badly drawn sketch of him in some cringy anime style he had long forgotten was a trend in Southpark. He recalls being forced into a fake relationship with another classman when he must have only been eight or nine; pushing the embarrassing memory down he can’t help but noticing he can’t recall how that whole situation came to an end. Hell, he can’t even remember how it started. After everything that he has been through his memory wasn’t as good as it used to be.

Suddenly Mackey’s voice snaps him back to the present and he can’t help but stifle a sarcastic laugh at his attention span, with all the coffee he drank he would have assumed it would be better.

“And I’d like to introduce a new member joining us today, come and get a seat-”

The ringings in Tweek’s ears cut off the end of Mackey’s sentence. His heart was thrashing in his chest to the point it made him physically jump up and down in his seat. Cold sweat erupted from every pore on his skin. Although his left eye was forced shut by an ugly tic contorting his face he could still recognize the boy who happily waltzed into the room that was his safe haven from the troubles haunting him outside.

Tweek’s mind went into overdrive. His safe haven suddenly yanked from underneath him making him crash down into the hard ground. If someone knew about this place they would know about him. His secrets. His messed up thoughts and messed up life.

Suddenly, his eyes latch onto choppy light blonde hair that is shaven down to the scalp on either side of the oval head that harbored longer bangs pinned back with a glitter butterfly pin revealing a small face with a smile that seemed too big. Tweek always thought it was like an odd piece of a jigsaw puzzle someone got impatient with and just crammed it on a too-small slot. 

“Oh gee, hey guys! Fancy seeing you fellows here” Butters’ cheerful voice rang out, bouncing off the walls.

Tweek’s vision went white and his stomach went sour and suddenly a terrible feeling overpowered him.

“Oh - _sweet jesus!_ \- oh crap. I think going to - _ACK!_ \- I’m going to-” But vomit erupted out of his mouth all over the floor making a horrid slurp noise that made even Tweek cringe. He didn’t have time to react to how embarrassing the whole thing must have seemed because the ringing in his ears was suddenly too much, his heart beating too fast, his mind reeling too far. 

He heard his head hit the ground before he blacked out.

\--------

Tweek awakes to a cold damp sensation on his forehead helping to ease the splitting pain that made him come to. He tried to open his eyes but they seemed too swollen and heavy to lift in his current condition, whatever that may be. He instead tried to figure out what had happened before his hysterical brain came to the worst conclusion; like being chloroformed and sold on the black market. Oh no, what if he was missing one of his kidneys or worse… both. Unconsciously, he started to reach down, feeling for any stitches or ice packs around his abdominal area.

“Shh Tweek. Your okay, I’m here. I’m right here. Everyone is right here; try to control your twitching, it’ll make your dizziness worse”.Thomas’ soft voice whispered against him. Tweek knew that Thomas shouldn’t be as calming as he was to him but right now he didn’t care. It seemed after all these years of the boy seeing him at his worse it was comforting to have him around at times like these.

Taking in his current position he realizes he must have been lying down with his head rested on Thomas’ lap because he could feel his neck start to cramp up and twitch, he assumed that’s why Thomas had made his earlier comment. He lay there for a couple of minutes taking in a deep breath and then slowly releasing. He even started to hyperfocus on certain body parts and relax them completely to help ease his twitching as Thomas has suggested. Before long he was feeling good enough to sit up and open his eyes, giving out a small groan when the pain in his head worsened.

When he opens his tired eyes again he finds himself still in the community center hall but closer to the back room where the bathroom’s and janitor closet was located. He also finds he is being watched by a very frantic looking Butters who doesn’t wait very long after he caught Tweek’s eye to speak up.

“Gosh Tweek! I’m so sorry to have startled you! I didn’t think about how you would react to seeing me just toddle in and shock your socks off. Come on Butters! You’re better than this!” Butter’s voice sounded exactly like it did when he was younger and Tweek couldn’t help but feel guilty for making the naive boy feel bad about just coming to a place he happened to also go to get help. God, when the thoughts ran through his head he was hit with a pang of guilt he physically choked on. He slowly shook his head from side to side - conscious of still being dizzy - and offered a crooked smile when he and Thomas had a confused look in their faces.

“It wasn’t that at - _ngh_ \- all! Really Butters. I was just a bit startled by seeing someone I knew from my grade here, I don’t often talk about this place to any of the others at school. If I’m honest, I’m happy your here to get help” Tweek’s voice was shaky, it often was after a blackout. He hates to admit it but this is a common occurrence for the nervous boy. 

Butter’s suddenly went very still. Unable to be able to comprehend what Tweek had just said. Noticing his lack of response he stutters out quickly.

“Oh golly. Well. Thanks, Tweek. I appreciate that, I - I guess”

The boys lapse into silence after a while to which Thomas is the first one to break.

“Well, you weren’t out long but you hit your head pretty hard. Everyone’s still here if you want to stay and participate in the session. Beware though, you did almost give Mackey a heart attack.” At that Tweek did let out a genuine smile and tilted his head a little.

“Thanks for looking after me man. I think it would be best - _ACK!_ \- if we get back… After a coffee”

The boys had gotten up and hesitantly walked back over to the group that was in some kind of heated discussion about who was the biggest sl*t out of Mr.Slave and some girl Tweek didn’t quite catch. Hilton something maybe?. Tweek wasn’t too interested as he was captivated in ingesting the hot steam coming from his freshly made coffee he made with the portable kettle in the center. The boys were saved by Mackey who caught everyone’s attention and called the session back to where it was before. 

Everyone sat back in their chairs, careful of the newly mopped floor Tweek couldn’t help but feel bad about. He didn’t even want to know who was forced to clean up his mess but he assumed it was probably Butters; he could only imagine he thought the whole thing was his fault.

Eventually, people start to share what had happened in their week, month, or even nightly dreams that haunt them; some even talking about childhood phobias while everyone else took turns towards then in listening and nodding slowly.

Tweek paid special attention to Randy Marsh when it was his turn to talk. It had almost been a big of a shock seeing him here then it did Butters, but Randy had been attending for months. From what he knew he had quite a bad experience with AA meetings and preferred the CALMs meeting as an alternative. He often felt bad for Stan, hearing these stories he assumed the boy wouldn’t appreciate his classman knowing about. But, he never judged. It was the unspoken rule of the meetings. You listen no matter what. Randy’s voice got deeper as he aged, but it never lost the sarcastic undertone he was so well known for whenever he opened his mouth.

“This week was tough. Real tough. I think it was because I’ve been spending a lot of time alone. Ever since my oldest went away to college my son spends the whole weekend at his girlfriends. Then there's me and wife... We just don’t talk like we used to; it’s like she’s scared to talk to me again because I’ll just disappoint her. Hell. Even now, she thinks I’m at Skeeter’s. I know that if I told her I’ve been coming here this whole time… she would just ask why I can’t talk to her about it, and that’s what I need to find out for myself. Even with my Stan I sometimes feel like he tries to avoid me now he doesn’t rely on me like he did when he was younger”

The whole circle nods, but don’t give any crappy pitied looks. Everyone here is dealing with something, everyone knew that it didn’t mean they were any different to anyone else in Southpark. Tweek had heard some messed up stuff from this group. He knew how hard these things can be to deal with.

Mackey decides to speaks up.

“And how does that make you feel Mr. Marsh? Nothing you say will be anything we can’t relate to mkay?”

Randy takes a shaky deep breath and lets out a strangled sigh.

“If I’m honest. It makes me feel like such a failure of a father; Like I’m a burden on my own family. I look back at all the times I bothered them with all my stupid schemes over the past ten years or so. Oh my god, I remember when I used to get pissed out of my head and key my wife’s car… some kids once found me and took my car keys so I wouldn’t drive anywhere. And you know what I did? I tried to beat them up! Kids! I tried to beat up some kids who were Stan’s age at the time for trying to help me. I can’t imagine how embarrassing that must have been for him…”

Makey takes in a breath and speaks out.

“And how are you doing to coping with that?”

Randy looks down, almost studying the floor for the answers. After 30 seconds or so he sighs in defeat and looks back up.

“I was thinking about asking the wife out for dinner this Friday. I have a speech planned. I’m going to apologize and come clean about how I feel. I know it’ll be hard, but it feels like the right thing to do…”

And the night goes like that. People sharing their plans and feelings, their fears, and their truths. Tweek never shared much preferring to listen and take in his surroundings instead. He didn’t realize it was 10.00 pm until everyone was folding their chairs back up and staking them in the corner. Thomas offers to put Tweek’s chair back for him, an offer to which tweek happily accepts.

As if on cue, Butter walks up and asks to talk to Tweek outside. Alone. The poor boy almost looked like he was having a heart attack trying to ask Tweek but the twitchy boy just nodded and leads the way outside to the front of the community center.

They weren’t out there very long until Tweek breaks the silence.

“So - ngh - what did you want to talk to me about Butters? I said it really wasn’t your fault earlier and I mean it” Tweek’s hands’ fiddle with the zip on his old green hoodie, pulling it close around him to keep in the warmth.

“I know, It’s more just... Gee how do I say this.” Butters chokes he words out. His chubby hands now obsessing over his glittery hairpin. Tweek waited patiently for him. “I was wondering if you would… Well, would you keep me coming here a secret between you and me? I haven’t even told my parents about how I um… you know”. Tweek can’t remember ever seeing the other so choked up; he was always so light-hearted all the time. Kinda creepy, he thought. He didn’t exactly answer Butters. Instead, he offered a crooked smile that was interrupted by a particularly bad twitch.

Tweak’s voice was so quiet when he finally replied he wasn’t sure if the other boy even heard.

“Of course, it’ll be our secret” He couldn’t see a reaction on Butters’ face so he carried on.

“I wish I could say it was my only secret”.

**Author's Note:**

> This is still very much a work of progress. It will be a Tweek/Craig fanfic with a twist. Remember to bookmark or note this story! I'm going to try and complete it and then upload it all so you won't have to wait months and months for new chapters. But here is chapter one! Just to give you a little something while I work on completing the whole story. I'm planning on making the plot quite slow (he he suspense!) so sit back and enjoy. Beware! I'm dyslexic and have tried to edit this the best I can but alas It will never be perfect so please be patient! Love you all cuties. Stay safe.


End file.
